the career failure of a university senior <3
Hello Blog, it is Red once again. I would say a lot has happened since I last posted but that would be somewhat of a lie. Well, I guess a lot Did happen but nothing really feels like a big deal to me...? Anyways.
This post is somewhat of a vent but I don't really like being too negative about myself. I have just been very unsure of what I want to do for money. I am currently a senior at university, and graduation is RAPIDLY approaching and I haven't had an internship or anything yet. And I probably won't, since most internships only hire juniors or under... I'm only 21 but I somehow feel too old for these things already. Kinda messed up. Well this internship thing really messed me up. See, I go to kind of a prestigious university (not name dropping but it's in California LOL), and almost everyone I talk to has some impressive resume or job experience. Worse, they did this when they were much younger than me. Basically, I did not do anything for my career in my college experience except for having campus jobs. And it's not because I didn't try, it's because I got rejected from everything I tried applying to. If not rejected, then just straight up ignored...
To be FAIR, I honestly did not apply to a ton of things because A) it takes so much time to and I was trying to do well in classes and B) I struggled to have the motivation to apply to hundreds of things with the burden of homework and my depressive phases which come and go. Yet, I did (and still kinda do) try to apply to things and I even have interviewed for multiple things but ultimately failed almost immediately. It feels even worse after an interview because it's personal now (in my mind).
I feel like I can't talk to anyone about this because literally everyone close to me has had career success already. I just wish I knew what to do.
To be honest, I have zero desire to actually work at ANY company because it seems completely pointless so I'm not really sad about the loss of opportunity; I'm sad that other people are achieving what I cannot. It makes me feel like a failure. I am just very tired of feeling like that. I wish there was somewhere else I could work for money that didn't feel so judgemental like corporate companies. Not to be hashtag edgy but I don't feel like I will ever succeed in entering that kind of workplace. I don't look the part or speak very well... not that that determines how well I work but all of this is making me question my personal identity.
Well, I'm sure this is relatable to many college seniors. Just not the ones that I'm surrounded by. I have applied to two graduate schools, but after my two year long streak of rejections, I am mentally preparing to be rejected by them as well. -heart eye emoji-
A part of me wants a year off anyways to leave the city and explore nature or something. Kinda cheesy but I just want to rediscover my passion for life again. I love how exciting cities are, but the lack of nature is killing me. I used to hang out in the woods and stuff and I felt very happy. Being surrounded by buildings and people constantly is not really my vibe...
I guess that is all I really wanted to say in this post. I have multiple other L's happening in my life but I can save those for separate posts or something. At the end of the day, work is completely meaningless and no one really wants to do it (unless you get really lucky and have an awesome job). It's just the fact that everyone around me was able to get jobs and internships while I failed. It has been really bearing a weight on me lately since I just went through a couple more interview and project fails...
Welp! I guess that's it! Have an awesome day.
~ Red